The Family Chronicles
by The Black Gang
Summary: Professor Xavier always said that the X-Men should be like a big family. What if they were? And what if it was not just X-Men...? Read at your own risk. COMPLETE
1. Meet Daddy

A/N: WARNING! WARNING! MAJOR OOC-NESS ALERT! So if you can't handle that, then DON'T read! We don't want to get ANY flames telling us that the characters would never say or act like that, because really, we know! That's part of why this has been stuffed in the _*humour*_ genre, not angst...

To make you understand better: Once upon a long time ago in the X-universe, Victor Creed told his arch-nemesis Logan that he was the proud father of a runt that wanted to kill him. (In other words: that Sabretooth was Wolverine's father.) Don't ask why he did that. The X-Men later discovered that Creed was lying. (As if THAT hasn't happened before...) Now, what Fata Morgana and I later discussed, was what would happen if Sabretooth hadn't been lying... And we're very sorry about the Queenmother.

****

Fata Morgana and aurora borealis co-operations proudly (?) presents:

The Family Chronicles

Chapter one: Meet Daddy

Logan wasn't quite sure why Creed had asked to meet him, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Usually Creed would just have sought him up – he would never *_ask* _for his permission... Actually, Logan was a bit glad that Sabretooth had called for him. He needed to vent out some anger...

"You're late," a growling voice said from the shadows of a tree. Logan didn't flinch – he had scented Sabretooth long ago. He took a step back, and turned towards Creed.

"What did you want?" he asked, crouching down in an attack position.

"Relax," Sabretooth said with a feral smile. "I just want to talk." Logan snorted. It was a wonder Sabretooth COULD talk with his IQ… They glared at each other for some time.

And then some more. None of them said anything, but both were wary of each other.

Logan wondered if Creed would ever *_do*_ anything. Suddenly he spoke, almost startling Logan. "They never told you who your father was."

Logan frowned. "I don't *_remember*_ my father."

"_*I*_ am your father."

"NOOOOOOO!" Logan made a grimace that would even make Luke Skywalker green with envy. "That can't be true!"

"But it is! Search your feelings – you know it to be true!" Sabie-baby urged him.

"No!" Logan cried. "My dad should be big and strong and... like...me..." He paused, then threw himself into Creed's arms. "DAD!" he screamed. Creed winced.

"Not so loud – you're not the only one with a good hearing," he said, and hugged Logan back.

"Oh, dad! We have so much to DO!"

"Yeah, ru- son," Sabretooth said, rubbing Wolverine's head with his knuckles and making his hair stand up even more. "We have."

***

"Logan! Is that you?" Ororo called as the door slammed.

"Yeah," he grunted, coming into the kitchen and getting two beers from the fridge. "Like it cold?" he asked someone out in the hallway. He was replied with an affirmative grunt.

"Uh," Hank said, turning from his porridge with a smile. "Did it go okay with your...meeting?"

"Yeah," Logan said with a smile – and it wasn't his usual Wolverine-smile. Hank's faltered. "Hey, people," he said. "I want you to meet my dad."

Suddenly he had the attention of all the people in the room. He motioned for the person in the hall to come inside the kitchen. "Hi," Sabretooth said, grabbing the beer from Logan and popping it up with his claws. The X-Men stared at him. He sipped his beer and smiled at them, making them goggle even more. "The runt said that you have a nice basketball court," he said, emptying the beer and crushing the can with his hand. He tossed the tiny cube into the dustbin with surprising accuracy.

The X-Men stared again.

"Daaad!" Wolverine said, blushing. "You *_promised*_ not to call me that!"

"Sorry, son," Creed said, sounding as if he actually *_meant_* it. "It just slipped out of me."

"Well, you promised!" Logan said, on the verge of tears. He ran from the room.

Victor sighed and looked at the wide-eyed X-Men. "Kids, you know," he said, and walked after Logan.

The X-Men stared after them. "I think I'm going to faint," Scott said. And promptly did so. 

***

"You okay, son?" Victor asked Logan when he found him outside in a tree.

"What does it look like?" Logan asked sullenly.

Creed sighed. "Do you want a punching bag?"

"I had one once," Logan said. "It didn't last after the first beating."

"Yeah, well, you could use me."

Logan looked up with hope in his eyes. "You *_mean_* that?"

"Yeah." Creed smiled. "That's what dads are for, after all."

"Oh, dad!" Logan cried as he punched him. "You're so nice to me!"

***

After Logan had let out his violent energies, they sat together on the dock by the side of the lake. "What are you thinking about, son?" Sabretooth asked, his arm around Logan's shoulders.

"Well..." Wolverine said, not a little embarrassed. "I was just thinking about mom..."

"Your mother?" Sabretooth was surprised. "What about her?"

"Well, I mean, since *_you're* _so tall, but *_I'm*_ so short, she had to be really small, hadn't she?"

"Maybe you haven't stopped growing yet," Creed tried.

"Oh, come on, dad, not even *_you_* can be so stupid," Logan said. Creed decided to let that pass. "I'm almost as old as you! I was a covert agent in World War II! And who knows about the _*first*_ World War!"

Victor sighed. "Your mother was...a midget."

Logan gasped. "PUCK?!"

"Puck's a guy, Logan."

"Oh." Logan's face fell. Then he lit up again. "The queenmother?!"

"...of England?"

"Yeah! She's small!"

"That's because she was 101 years old, son."

"Oh." Logan sighed sadly. "Do you _*know_* who my mother was, dad?"

Sabretooth sighed. "I was...young. She...was...young, too."

"And...?" Logan prodded.

"Are you sure you want to know this?" Logan nodded eagerly. "Raven."

"Raven?"

"Raven Darkholme. She had morphed into someone small."

"MYSTIQUE?!"

"I didn't know that until later." Sabretooth crossed his arms, looking very childish.

"I don't care about THAT!" Logan said excitedly.

"You don't?" Sabretooth un-crossed his arms in surprise.

"That means Nightcrawler's my BROTHER!"

A/N: You want to read more? Are you SURE about that?!

Coming up next: **Nightcrawler, I'm not your mother...**


	2. Nightcrawler, I'm not your mother

Disclaimer: They are NOT OURS! Thank GOD for that!

A/N: Fata Morgana is responsible for the sickness of this story. Aurora borealis is too innocent: she just laughs at it. (At least, that's what she would like us to think.)

And just so you know: This is NOT CANON. REPEAT: NOT CANON. (As if you haven't figured yet…) We DO NOT take into consideration the persons' real heritage.

And Logan was enthusiastic about having Kurt as a brother, not worried. So there, 

****

NIGHTCRAWLER, I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER…

The whole mansion was in turmoil after the startling revelation Creed had come with. He was Logan's father…! And Mystique was Logan's mother…!

The news had been met with stunned silence, and with Cyclops fainting again. The mansion's resident blue priest had gone to his private chapel to pray…make that scream. It wasn't that he minded having Logan for a brother…But that meant that that one night when they both (miraculously) got drunk was incest…

"Mutter, why didn't you ever tell me?" he muttered.

"Are you talking to me, son?" came the known voice from the shadows.

"Who else?"

"Well, maybe your REAL mother!"

"Oh, no! NOT AGAIN!"

"What do you mean? I thought you would be _happy_ with having another mother – you always complain about what a bad mother I am!"

Kurt sighed and rubbed his face. "Well, at least I'm not related to you, _that's _ a relief."

"Uhm, no, actually you _are _related to me," Mystique said nervously.

Kurt groaned. "Great! What are you then? My grandmother?"

"No…"

"My sister? My _daughter? Nothing _really surprises me in this world anymore!"

"Uhm…" Mystique actually fidgeted. "No. I am your father."

Kurt stared at her. "I take it back," he said faintly. And started praying again.

After contemplating him for a bit, Mystique decided to let him be. "Wait!" Kurt called as she got up to leave. "Who _is_ my mother?"

"Oh," Mystique said and smiled. "It's Destiny."

Kurt looked puzzled. "I thought she was gay."

"Well, yes, but since it was just me in male form, she made an exception. And we _really _wanted a baby, Kurt."

"Why did you put me away, then?" Kurt cried.

"We got Rogue too!" Mystique wailed. "And we couldn't raise twins!"

"But I'm older than her!"

Mystique Looked at him. "I never knew my son was stupid. This is the Marvel Universe, Kurt! ANYTHING is possible!"

Just then a white-robed tall figure appeared. "You have to go inside to the others and announce the happy news!" he boomed.

They did, without really knowing why, and excactly _what_ was happy about it. 

*****

Coming up next: **The third Summers brother! **_And it is not who you think it is! TRUST _us!

And what's up with tall, white-robed, booming figure?

Is he an enemy?

Is he a friend?

Can we be SURE it's a HE?

Is it just a person with a white-robe fetish?!

Don't miss the next chapter!

(And remember, it's only a VERY THIN LINE between brilliance and insanity…)

BTW: "The third Summers brother" has already been written, but we want some reviews before we post it. Feel free to guess at who it is. Just so we can laugh our asses off at how wrong you are. 


	3. The Third Summers Brother

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed. And a special thank you to Moe.Ron, who was the only one to guess at The Third Summers Brother, and who made us laugh at the first sentence of his/her review. And Xavier will come later. No characters, fictional or real, were hurt in making this fic.  
  
We will try to include Storm and Kitty, but they are further down the line. (Actually we hadn't planned to include them at all, but we are indulging the readers' wishes.)  
  
Disclaimer: Not ours. Not ours. Aren't you happy? Don't sue.  
  
Warning: Must be read with a very open mind. Please, no flames.  
  
  
  
1.1 The third Summers brother  
  
"Now, the moment you have all waited for," the white-robed giant boomed, "here comes…" suddenly there was a drum roll from a smaller white figure on his head, "the THIRD SUMMERS BROTHER!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Scott yelped. The X-men had gathered to hear the happy (?) news from Mystique and Kurt. Scott had fainted again, but came to after only thirty seconds. Everybody were immensely proud of him.  
  
"Oi, tin-head!" said the tiny white-robed figure and jumped up and down on Big's head. "First we have to gather the rest of the family!"  
  
"We don't have time for that," Big grumbled. "We have to narrow it down to Havoc and Corsair." He waved his hand, and the gathered heroes got a glimpse of two teeny wheeny wings on his back, hidden by his robe. With two small pops Alex and Christopher Summers appeared in the room.  
  
"Scott, what have you done this time?" Alex asked in a bored voice.  
  
"It's not my fault!" Scott cried, on the werge of tears. "I haven't done anything! This time it's dad's fault! They say there's a third Summers brother!"  
  
Both brothers turned to glare at their father. "This is news to me!" Christopher said.  
  
"To the point!" the Big guy boomed impatiently. "I-" he got jumped on the head again, "we present to you…" The tiny guy resumed his drum-rolling. "THE THIRD SUMMERS BROTHER!"  
  
With a loud pop, a figure appeard in the room. "What am Ah doin' here?" he said in a Texan drawl. He looked around at all the people. "And who are all these potential terrorists?!"  
  
"Don't look at me," Mystique said. "And he's just a homicidal maniac!" She pointed at Sabretooth, who just mumbled and shuffled his feet.  
  
"That's our brother?!" Havoc said incredously.  
  
"No way!" Scott exclaimed. "He's neither pretty nor smart enough!"  
  
"Hey! Don't talk to me like that! Ah'm the president of the world!" the…guy… said.  
  
"Uh, no," Jean said. "You're the president of one country."  
  
"Same thing!" the president said.  
  
"But how can he be our brother?" Scott asked. "He doesn't look remotely like us!"  
  
"Well, there's a perfectly logical explanation," the Big guy said. "His mother is Sabretooth." Everybody looked at Sabretooth, who blushed.  
  
"Wow," Corsair said in wonder, "I didn't even know I got Victor pregnant!" Everybody turned their stare to him, but he didn't notice.  
  
"So," Victor said, "you're my son. Huh."  
  
"Why did you put me away, mom?!" the president cried. Logan fainted, and Scott wondered why he didn't manage to when he really wanted it.  
  
"Well," Victor said, "to put it bluntly, son, look at you. I mean, you smoked cigars from the time you could breathe!" Everybody turned that statement around in their heads for a while, but it didn't get more logical.  
  
"What was I supposed to do?! You left them out on the table!"  
  
"Wait a second, dad!" Logan yelled. His healing factor had done the fainting spell away at an amazing rate. "Why did you keep this from me?"  
  
"I was ashamed!" Victor cried. "Here I was, up in Canada, with…THAT!" He pointed at his son.  
  
"Wait!" 'That' shouted. "My mom's a male alien?!"  
  
"Alien?" Storm whispered.  
  
"Yeah!" 'That' yelled. "If my country is the world, and he's from Canada, then..!"  
  
"Just shut up, willya," Corsair groaned, rubbing his temples.  
  
"'Ey, don't talk to me like that! If you're not with me, you're against-"  
  
Scott silenced his brother with a look.  
  
"So," Wolverine looked at the white-clad figures, "do you have any more surprises for us, big boys?" 'Tiny' decided to let that one slide. After all, he would get his revenge soon enough.  
  
"We're just getting started," he said, and they could sense his malicious, if tiny, smile throught the white cloth.  
  
*****  
  
A/N (in booming voices): WHO ARE THEY?! WHY ARE THEY HERE?! (Besides the obvious reason.) ARE THEY REALLY HERE?! (Note from Fata: Didn't understand what she meant with that one.) (Note from aurora: Me neither. What did I mean?)  
  
Coming up next: What has MR. SINISTER got to do with all of this? 


	4. What has MR SINISTER got to do with all ...

A/N: Sorry this took so long. To make it up to you, this is the most INSANE chapter yet. And we HATE not having italics. Capital letters look so. barbaric! Grrr!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own anything, thank God. Please don't sue.  
  
Now, we present to you... (Tiny starts his drum roll again)  
  
  
  
What has MR. SINISTER got to do with all of this?  
  
  
  
The Big Guy clapped his hands. "Now, we have a grand revelation to make!" He snapped his fingers, and with a faint *pop* Sinister appeared in the room, looking slightly bored.  
  
"Oh, we've come to this," he said indifferently. The X-Men and Summers clan stared at him.  
  
"You? What are YOU doing here?" Rogue snarled.  
  
"It is time to reveal the truth," the Big Guy announced pompously. He pointed at Mr. Sinister. "There is a very close relation between Nathaniel Essex and," the X-Men held a collective breath, everybody hoping it wouldn't be them, "Remy LeBeau!"  
  
Gambit groaned. "Let me guess. I'm your son?"  
  
"Well, you DO have similar eyes," Storm pointed out. Gambit glared at her.  
  
"No," Sinister said, "*I* am YOUR son." Rogue gasped and glared at Gambit.  
  
"Oh, great. Who's your mum?"  
  
"You are."  
  
"No way! Then who's your dad?"  
  
"You are."  
  
"What?" Remy squeaked.  
  
"Let me explain," Big Guy said.  
  
"Yeah! Do that!"  
  
"It's really very simple. Two years from now, you will stumble upon a rift in reality. At the same time, your female counterpart in a parallel dimension will do the same. You will meet in a pocket of reality where you will conceive Nathalia. After that, you will travel forward in time to raise your daughter."  
  
"Wait a minute," Gambit interrupted. "NATHALIA?"  
  
"We're getting to that," Tiny said impatiently.  
  
"In the future," Big Guy continued, "a twelve year old Nathalia will meet Belladonna, who by now is 153 years old, who will hit on her. After that traumatic experience, Nathalia decides to change sex and travels back in time."  
  
"I went back to thirty years before my parent was born, and took the name Nathaniel," Mr. Sinister said. "After ten years I realised that if I didn't create a rift in reality, I'd never be conceived. So I did that and settled it at a very special place, which you will find in two years, parent."  
  
"Meanwhile," Tiny interrupted, "Gambit and Gambit fell into a well where they got a curse called "Obliviate" cast on them by Little Purple Girls, and got sent back to one minute after they had stumbled upon the pocket of reality (in their real dimensions, of course). They remembered - uh, will remember - nothing."  
  
"But this can't be true!" Remy protested. "He doesn't look like me!"  
  
"You had him with yourself!" Big Guy scolded. "This will be a very bad case of inbreeding!"  
  
"You've cheated on me!" Rogue yelled.  
  
"You mean I WILL cheat on you. With myself."  
  
"Uh. Right. Forget it."  
  
"Was I any good?" Gambit asked, interested.  
  
"YOU thought so," Big Guy replied.  
  
"Neat." Gambit looked very smug.  
  
"Talk about narcissism," Logan muttered.  
  
"Okay! I've had enough of this!" Scott said angrily. "Who ARE you?!" He pointed accusingly at the two persons dressed in white robes.  
  
The two looked at each other, then at the assembled people. "Who we are?" Tiny whispered. "Are you SURE you want to know? Our story is not for the faint of heart."  
  
"Just drop the robes and SHOW US!!!"  
  
"You were always so forward, Kitty," Big Guy smiled fondly through his hood. He took off his robes, to reveal..  
  
"COLOSSUS?!" Everybody shouted.  
  
"And John Proudstar!" Storm added, pointing at the small figure on top of Colossus' head.  
  
"Why are you so small, John?" The Professor asked.  
  
"Ask Saint Peter," John said sulkily. "And no, I don't mean HIM." He stamped his foot on Colossus' head.  
  
"So, Colossus," Jean said, "why are you really here?"  
  
"I have to see this through," Piotr said importantly. "And then, I have a message. FROM GOD!"  
  
  
  
A/N: *gasp!* This took even US by surprise! (Well, technically not, we have a certain plan, but.) So, what is Colossus' message? What could God possibly have to say to mankind?! And bear in mind, we are one atheist and one agnostic. So. Do you want us to continue?  
  
(A mad uncle to everybody who recognises the parodies in this chapter. X- Men not included.)  
  
  
  
NEXT: Not another Summers! 


	5. Not another Summers!

A/N: And the little, blue puppies turned to big balls of happy fluff. It's time for another chapter.

Our excuse for not having written this before, is: We have contributed to school theatre life in Bergen. So there. And we're lazy. So _there_. 

Warning: Just like the previous chapters, this has not been Beta-read. Dedicated to the last third of The Black Gang, Waterfall, who has no idea what's going to happen. (BWAHAHA!)

Disclaimer: Do we really have to go through this again? NOT OURS!!! The Marvel characters belong to Marvel. The President belongs to…his wife? And God belongs to everybody and nobody (there, wasn't that poetic?).

Now, Tiny- sorry, _John Proudstar, is happy (??) to start his drum roll…:_

PROUDLY PRESENTING:

**The Family Chronicles, chapter five: Not another Summers!**

Everybody stared at Colossus and Thunderbird The First in awe. "A message from God?" Kurt whispered.

Colossus looked uncomfortable. "Don't get your hopes up," he said. "But first we have to finish this farse. Professor!" He looked at Charles. "It is time you tell Scott and Jean the truth."

Charles got a panicky look. "Do I _have to?" he whined. "I don't __wanna!"_

"You have to," Colossus boomed.

"Ain't he a little over-dramatic when he does that?" Rogue whispered to Kitty, who just sighed dreamily and shook her head.

Professor X took a deep breath and sighed resignedly. "Oh, all right. Scott, Jean," he looked at them, "I'm your son."

Jean fainted. Scott just sighed, resigned to the fact that he had the craziest family in the universe and would never be able to faint when he really needed to. He got a drink, downed it, and took another one.

"And you never saw fit to tell us that before?" he asked mildly. The Professor started to answer, but was interrupted by an enthusiastically beaming Corsair: 

"Hey, Charlie, I'm your granddad! I get to feed you candy and bring weird toys whenever I come to visit!"

"Christopher…"

"Grandpa."

"_Grandpa_, I'm older than you."

Corsair waved his hand. "Beneath my notice."

The Professor shook his head and chose to answer his father's question. "I didn't dare. How was I supposed to function as your teacher if you knew I was your son?"

Scott sighed. "You're probably right. So, how did this happen?"

Colossus answered. "You and Jean actually had Charles two years ago. The problem was: you were both stuck in time-shifting mud. The powers that bee," he was momentarily cut of by a loud summing coming from Proudstar, "decided that this was too messy so when Charles was accidentally sent back in time they wiped your minds. But, Professor X, being the most powerful telepath in the known universe, resisted the mind-wiping. So he knew the truth about his originins."

"But he was a baby!" Jean protested. She had just woken up from her fainting spell.

"Not at the time of the mind-wiping!" Colossus said.

"I don't want to know! I don't want to know!" said Alex. "Scott, you have the messiest family in the world!"

"This coming from my _brother, who is stuck in another dimension while being in a coma back here," Scott snapped. "Besides, he's _your_ nephew."_

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!" Alex kept chanting.

"Whiner," the third Summers brother muttered, and was promptly shut up again.

"So, uh, the message from God?" Kurt asked, trying to find _something_ positive in all this mess.

"Oh. Right." Colossus took a deep breath. The drum roll started, rising to an inferno. A light began glowing around the two messengers. In a voice that seemed to fill every fibre of their being, He said: "**SCREW Y'ALL. I'M GOIN' GOLFING!**"

And they were all filled with awe at the wisdom of the Almighty - until they thought of what It had actually said.

"Wha'?" Beast said. He looked as if someone had put him through a car washing machine, except that he was dry.

Colossus lost the glow. "God says; 'Y'all got into this mess, y'all get outta it. Screw y'all, I'm goin' golfing.'"

They didn't quite know what was the worst part: The message, or the accent.

"Well, at least it is all over now," Storm sighed, secretly relieved that she had been spared.

"That's what you think!" Proudstar BOOMED before he and Colossus escaped in a blink of baby pink light.

A/N: Are you all horrified now? We are! (Oh, allright, we are laughing our heads off.) Coming up next:

**Storm/Kitty scenarios! It's not what you think! And it's all Magneto's fault! Including a special treat: The Avengers!!!**


	6. StormKitty scenarioes, and it's all Magn...

Disclaimer: Nothing from the Marvel universe belongs to us. Aren't you thankful for that? Stan Lee is… his own. South Park isn't ours either.

A/N: This is the last chapter (with a short epilogue coming VERY soon - in a couple of minutes, actually!). We originally didn't mean to include Storm and Kitty, but since so many of you kept asking about them, we cooked up this. Isn't part of the original story, really. You can pick the scenario you like best! The Avenger bit at the end is something that has annoyed us to no end, and finally we can put it into one of our stories. Enjoy!

(Has to resort to tapping on the desk to get a drum roll…) Here comes:

**Storm/Kitty scenarios! It's not what you think! And it's all Magneto's fault!**

_Scenario One:_

Magneto had made Kitty watch South Park for too long. So when Ororo came asking her if she could borrow three dollars and fifty cents, Kitty whipped out one of Bishop's guns and screamed:

"DIE, LOCK NESS MONSTER!!!"

_Scenario Two:_

Storm came home to find Kitty sitting there, crying. "What is it, kitten?" she asked.

"*sniff* Oh, Ororo! I just found out! I'm… I'm…"

"What, Kitty?" Ororo started getting worried.

"I'm… I'm… STORM! I'M YOUR DENTIST!"

Storm gasped, horrified. "What are you saying?!"

"I… It's all Magneto's fault!"

"Oh. That explains everything! I understand, Kitty. I forgive you!"

_Scenario Three:_

The Beast had a revelation to make. He turned towards the two worried women in the medical lab. "Storm, Kitty, I've just found out something. You are clones."

"What?" Storm croaked.

"You are both clones of a man called Stan Lee," Hank said. "I know this may come as a shock, but-"

"Stanley WHO?!" Kitty yelled.

"Just Stan Lee. He's a comic book man, apparently. Looks a lot like J. Jonah Jameson."

Storm and Kitty looked at each other.

"But we don't look even remotely like J. Jonah Jameson!" They protested.

"I know. It's all Magneto's fault."

"Thank God for that," Ororo whispered to Kitty.

_Scenario Four:_

"You three might have wondered why you look so much alike," Beast said.

Storm, Kitty and Bishop looked at each other. "No," they said simultaneously. "Not really."

"Well, all the same, oh my stars and garters get me some twinkies, blablabla, you're triplets."

"That doesn't fit," Bishop said. "First of all, we don't look alike. Second, Storm is older than Kitty, and I'm not really born yet! _Nobody_ can be in labour for that long!"

"Honestly, do you have to say that?" Beast sighed. "This is the Marvel Universe. And it's all Magneto's fault."

After a sentence like that, nobody would argue anymore. The triplets went up to Bishop's room to have a fight over who got to have the biggest gun.

_Meanwhile, at the Avengers':_

Loki: Thor, I am not thy half brother.

Thor: What speakest thou, trickster?

Loki: I am thy father's blood brother.

Thor (whips out a copy of _Norse Mythology): By mine hammer! Thou art right! Comest thou, uncle, let us drink mead and talk of things past!_

Loki: Prithee, nephew, thou speakest wisely!

Thor: Aye, uncle, we havest much to catch up on! Why didst thou make me wear that dress that time (so long ago)?

_(They walk off, arm in arm.)_

A/N: The next chapter is an epilogue with a short story, and a message from both of us to all of you. And God bless us, every one. (Except that He's still golfing. Buggritt, millenium hand and shrimp.)


	7. Epilogue or, the mess that is Alpha Flig...

Disclaimer: Still not ours. We honestly think we would have made _less_ mess out of them, then.

A/N: This is mostly Fata speaking (with lots of support from aurora). I have been a fan of Alpha Flight for a few years now, almost as long as I have read the X-Men. One thing strikes me when I read the Flight stories, or summaries of them: This is a real soap opera. Alpha Flight could have been really, really good, except that mostly, the stories _suck, and often, so do the drawings. The only thing that kept that series going is good, interesting characters. Aurora/Jeanne-Marie alone could have kept that series interesting. Same goes for her twin, Northstar, if people would look past the "yeah, he's an arrogant asshole" to __why he's an arrogant asshole. The rest of them are very, very interesting characters, too. I would have read a series going on Puck's past history - before and after that accursed sword, et cetera._

*Ahem*. Since the problem of Mac Hudson has already been tackled in Fata Morgana's story _Sorry, Mr. Hudson, honest!_, we'll now tackle the second most problematic thing in AF. You see, we did not have to make something up. Nothing can make Alpha Flight more difficult than it is. Voila.

Snowbird: Walter, I just found out! It's horrible!

Sasquatch: What is, Narya?

Snowbird: We're the same person!

Sasquatch: _I_ know that! Remember, I didn't really turn into a metamorph when I did that experiment on myself, I opened a gate to the ancient beast Tanarac, so you had to kill me. Then _you_ got taken over by Pestilence, and Heather had to kill you. Then I took over your body, and turned to Wanda for a while, and my ex-wife wouldn't give me my money, damn that bitch, and then your spirit turned me male again as a reward for not falling for temptation. The problem is, how come you're alive now? Aren't you supposed to be here in spirit only?

Snowbird: Somebody at Marvel hasn't done their homework.

Sasquatch: Who can blame them, eh?

A/N: And that's it. It _cannot, we repeat, _cannot_, get more complicated. Except if Shaman was Narya's body's father or something. _

Er. RIGHT. Now:::

We'll turn the story over to you. You can have it. We're empty of ideas - that is, we think you lot can come up with just as much insanity. You can have the idea and write on it. Just one request: That you mention us in the Author's Note, and tell us if you write anything on this idea. Two requests. And nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

We hope you've had as much fun as we have with this story.

See you later,

Auf Wiedersehen,

Au revoir, 

Arrivederci,

På gjensyn.

Zhai'helleva and Shade and Sweet Water,

Kjersti and Ingvild (aurora borealis and Fata Morgana)

Bergen, Norway, 9th of March 2003


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